The world of love and relationships can be extremely complex and confusing, and everyone from scientists to psychologists has weighed in on the best way to find your perfect match. Australian-born relationship expert, Bella Maree Lane believes the only way to create healthier relationships and the life you want is to first look inward for answers.
Healing trauma and wounds of the heart is Bella’s calling. Her life experience infuses her work as she believes you can only teach what you know.
“When you have an unhealed trauma, you see things through a particular lens, and if you don’t heal the wound, you are highly likely to make the same choices and decisions that lead to a painful outcome,” she says.
“This is the reason people get stuck in destructive, repetitive life patterns. If we refuse to do the healing, we will keep getting the same lesson presented to us until we understand. Our triggers show us the unhealed places inside. They show us where we are not free.”
Breaking the cycle
Based in LA, Bella Maree works with clients who have experienced relationship breakdowns or toxic relationships, clients who have looked for love in all the wrong places and keep repeating the same mistakes, leading to more pain and suffering. Breaking the cycle means healing your own wounds before starting over, she says.
“Heart wounds are created by unprocessed trauma and pain, and when left unhealed, they create unconscious, pervasive, destructive life patterns,” says Bella. “The inner work to heal these wounds is imperative to creating a life of joy, purpose, passion, freedom, and love.”
Through her website, YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook channels, Bella offers programs, workshops, and private counseling. Her clients speak of personal transformations and finding the courage to redefine their idea of what happiness means for them.
Moving on from the past
Bella Maree has moved on from her past by healing her own wounds. She suffered from childhood abuse, was abducted and raped at gunpoint, and has had a string of toxic relationships, which included her marriage. It took her years to find the way through her pain and heal the scars of past traumas. She now works with others to help them find healthier ways to relate to themselves and others.
“When you have gone through a painful experience, it is completely natural for you to experience anger, fear, anxiety or depression, and a host of other difficult emotions. It’s easy to get trapped in that cycle. Gaining perspective and awareness are the primary steps to compassion and forgiveness of self and others, which ultimately leads to releasing you from that debilitating cycle,” she says.
“In my experience, I have had to go through the pain to get to the other side. Everything that has happened in my own life makes sense to me now because it has led me to this place where I can share my experience to help others,” she adds.
No detours around the pain
She believes there is no detour around the pain, if you refuse to feel it, you won’t heal it.
“I work with my clients to first do the healing work. Trauma is often hidden, it takes a therapist who can work with you to see what you possibly cannot. The work can be painful as we peel back the layers but doing this in a supportive environment allows it to be revealed and then healed,” she says.
The work she does with her clients is the result of years of study and self-healing, and she is now dating again. What is different this time, she explains, is that she has a new set of guidelines around what she wants and what constitutes happiness.
“This is the kind of breakthrough I hope all my clients will have. Once you heal and shift your energy, who you attract completely changes. I have seen this for myself and so many of my clients and this is why I do this work,” she says.
From solo to soulmate
As Bella’s practice builds, she continues to give freely of her time and reaches out to as many people as possible with her live group coaching workshops. The five-week Solo to Soulmate program, includes coaching, question and answer sessions, and Bella’s personal guidance and support on all topics related to the heart.
“My work is for people who believe in love but have not yet been able to manifest the relationship they desire,” she says. “It took me a long time to realize that I had built a whole story around myself that affected every relationship I had. I have the skills now to help people change their story and attract a healthy partnership,” she explains.
Her free 5-part series The Science of Chemistry and Attraction, is an introduction to finding intimacy again.
“I have studied Tantra, Sacred Intimacy, Learning Love and the psychology of relationships for over 20 years and I share those secrets with others who want to create a passion-filled intimate relationship,” she explains in the introduction to the video course that is accompanied by a workbook.
“I’m a romantic, and after all that I have been through, some people are surprised by that. I have witnessed what a difference it can make if you do this work to heal your pain, to identify and shed the limiting beliefs you may have about yourself and set up healthy boundaries,” she explains.
“Today I am healthy, vibrant, creative and in love with my life. If something amazing happens I take the credit, if something turns sideways, I take responsibility, learn the lesson, adjust as necessary, and move forward with dignity, grace, and respect,” she tells us.
Bella Maree Lane’s personal coaching sessions have been hailed as life-changing and not simply for those looking for the perfect partner. “The greatest relationship we will ever have is with ourselves,” she says.